It was only a matter of time before another part of my adolescence was strip-mined for parts and repackaged into a tropey, messy horror flick. Spin the Bottle, a new film by Gavin Wiesen is a demon/ghost slasher that is bloated and boring. This premise is interesting enough for a short or an episode of young adult fantasy television. But its two-hour runtime does not serve the story; its length exists to cross off every cliche and gimmick and deny me two hours of doing something productive with my life. Spin the Bottle is a bad film. Its mere existence will not scare audiences looking for a genuine horror experience; it is a detriment to the Sisyphus-esque progress the horror genre has garnered for itself. 

 

The premise is as dull as it is predictable. In the 1970s, teenagers go into a creepy Texas basement, find a cursed bottle, and then play "spin the bottle",  unleashing an evil spirit that kills virtually everyone involved. Cut to the present day, where good-looking kid Cole (Tanner Stine) moves to town, makes the football team, and brings his new friends into the same house to repeat the process. It's worth noting that his mother (Ali Larter) explicitly instructs Cole not to go into the basement. The event from the 70s has become a town legend, so naturally, Cole's new friends are interested in seeing the murder scene- the basement. 

 

Obviously, this new group also decides to play “spin the bottle” and unlock the evil spirit, which methodically begins picking off each teen one by one. Being related to the family, Cole must use the power of love or something to stop the evil from spreading. This plot does not need two hours to tell its story. The only justification for, once again, two solid hours of this film must have been a studio mandate that required every horror movie trope to be jammed in. More on the tropes in a bit.

 

The acting in this film is at the basement level, which aligns perfectly with the terrible drivel that passes as dialogue from the screenplay. Stine's Cole is passable enough, and you begin to feel this kid will have a promising career in acting one day and that his starring performance here is him paying dues for better future projects. Ali Larter's brief appearance gives some credibility, even though it feels that her viability comes 15 years too late. The true standout and the only enjoyable part of this film is the no-nonsense sheriff, played with vigor by Justin Long. My body actually perked up from a mild stasis when Long finally did appear, which, sadly, wasn't too often. 

 

I mentioned tropes earlier, and the only battery of cliches missing in Spin the Bottle has led me to write something I never thought possible: I wanted some jump scares. Spin the Bottle is devoid of the one constant among its peers, and I actually wish they were. And here lies the main reason - Spin the Bottle is not scary. There is no suspense, no intrigue, no appeal, no stakes. Nothing. I absolutely hated this movie. This film should be avoided at all costs. Spin the Bottle is a two-hour vapid time thief whose only feat is setting the horror genre back a few decades.